Lost & confused

I’m really just very lost and confused right now about a lot of things. These are the times when I usually give up but I am trying really hard not to.


I got up and went to the gym again this morning for an hour, which was great, I’m glad I did it a second day in a row.  I can’t go tomorrow morning because I have a doctors appt before work to talk about the anti-anxiety medicine my doctor put me on in september.  I haven’t seen her since I have been on it so there has been no regulation of it.  I’m actually hoping maybe they will give me xanax for emergency attacks or something. I will just have to see what happens, I have never had this sort of visit before so I don’t know what they will ask or do.  But if I keep up the early morning, early to bed then maybe I can keep going to the gym every morning.  Everyone is great on here trying to cheer me up and tell me to keep going but I am so frustrated right now.


I know I need to stop weighing myself everyday and yesterday was the first time I had weighed myself in a while but then I weighed again today, the weight was exactly same as yesterday, not even a fraction of a pounds difference.  I’m honestly not even actively trying to restrict right now, I’ve actually been trying to eat more.  I’ve been bouncing between 173 & 171 for almost 2 months now, it just doesn’t add up.


But now the battle is raging in my brain, like there are 2 people in there.  One says you have to eat at least 1200 calories but then other one says no no no that is too much, less is better. Logically part of my brain says that less is right.  Other people lose weight on less then 1200 calories a day so why can’t I? Less food going in means less fat which means less weight, right? Well in my head it sounds right. When I try to eat certain things now I get sooo full.  I had a sandwich yesterday for lunch and was stuffed the rest of the day from it, I didn’t even remember to eat dinner because I was still full. I tried to eat some more when I got home (breaking my new 7pm rule) to make it to 1200 but I still only had like 1000cal with my workout that morning. So far today I have had 610cals just for my 2 breakfasts so I will totally hit 1200 today, unless I don’t eat dinner again. Since my workout this morning burned 602cals I only have a net of 8.  


Do I have to have a net of 1200 with my working out or just a food consumption of 1200?


Everyone keeps telling me starvation mode but I don’t buy that, you don’t go into starvation mode for a month, when you are working out a few times a week and have energy even if you aren’t consuming lots of cals. I honestly haven’t binged that much without working out in the same day either.  Also this supports my Starvation mode being a Myth ideahttp://www.weightwatchers.com/util/art/index_art.aspx?tabnum=1&art_id=35501


There is a girl on twitter who’s like “I lost 20lbs in 5 months by running 4x a week & eating 6times a day”  Woohoo I lost 20 in my first 3 months of this journey so what is your point? Everyone is different, I got to be this fat by snacking too much so eating 6 times a day doesn’t appeal to me and isn’t very optional with my job either, even if it’s healthy. It’s either I eat nothing or very little or I eat way way too much & make myself sick.  I am a binge eater, once I start it is so hard to stop until the food is all gone. 


I really do think working out in the morning will start helping more then it did at night and hooping will start up again soon too but it’s only once a week this time around. Maybe I will cut out grains, I don’t eat as many as I used to but I could still cut out more. I’ve toyed with the idea of Veganism for a while now since I don’t eat much meat to begin with but I am just too lazy to do it without really needing too. I like meat, sometimes I crave it but I don’t eat meat with every meal, I eat it maybe once a day if that. I also love dairy & eggs so yea I doubt that would ever work for me. 


Oh well I am sad and tired from complaining and I feel like all I do now is whine but I just don’t know what else to do. I really feel like the harder I try at this the less weight I lose. Maybe I should stop trying. 😦


About smashvip

A fat girl who was skinny once, just trying to find her way back to skinny & happy. You gotta look good to survive LA LA land.
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7 Responses to Lost & confused

  1. Jackie says:

    Hey, I just wanted to let you know what to probably expect tomorrow. My suggestion is to make a list with questions you have and any observations you have. Once you get in there, it is easy to forget. Doctors actually appreciate the lists! The doctor will ask how the anti-anxiety medicine is working for you so far. Think now about how long after you starting taking it you noticed any changes (good or bad). Has it remained just as effective all along, or does it seem like you need your dosage increased? Explain how anxiety interferes with your ability to live life. Are there things you can’t do because of it? Had it messed up relationships or opportunities? Are there things you do right now to manage your anxiety in high-anxiety situations… deep breathing, distraction etc… this will let the doctor know you’re not just looking for a pill to fix everything — you’ve tried other approaches. Let your doctor know your anxiety isn’t completely managed in certain situations such as _________________. You are wondering if there is anything you could be prescribed to take help you get through those times. The doctor may complete anxiety or depression questionnaires with you to determine where you’re at, but a lot of doctors just go off of what you tell them. Good luck!

  2. John Alaimo says:

    Thanks! Just so you know, I’ll tell you about a couple females who I know that feel they have weight issues. One is a cardiac patient who religiously did cardio-rehab program (elliptical, weights, diet, walking) for almost a year post-surgery. No change in weight. Another one does manual labor part-time and a generous amount of weekly exercise (including that ‘Insanity’ thing). Also no change in weight
    I would like to tell you of success stories but this will prove you are not alone. Do not give up. I will inquire with both ladies to see what the next plan is.

  3. Undead Ahead says:

    My brain does the same thing to me. I’m doing the “no starving just eating properly” thing at the moment and honestly.. I feel a little better. i’m noticing that I can get full off of good food. Maybe that’s the trick. Eat more filling non-fat foods. I’ll be living off of smoothies soon though. I’ll post the recipe for the smoothie I made last night. It’s really good.

  4. LaLa says:

    do you use myfitnesspal?

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