Well I finally got up before work and went to the gym. I got in a 50 minute jog and I am quite happy with myself. Going to try and do it again tomorrow. I was feeling quite thin after the gym so I did weigh myself, nope it wasn’t thin that I was feeling it was fat. I gained 2 lbs. Sigh so I am now back at 173 from 171. It just makes me want to give up.
My mom was saying I shouldn’t do the elliptical because maybe it’s not really doing anything but I know it is doing something. I can’t run on cement or treadmill’s cause it hurts my knees too much but I find walking on a treadmill at the gym to be pointless & a waste of time. I have a hard time taking advice from my mom when I know she won’t even go to the gym.
Then she got on my case about trying online dating again. Saying she doesn’t want me to end up like her, alone at 50. I know I am 29 and I need to lock down something soon if I am ever going to but I just don’t think online dating is for me. I honestly don’t have the time to get to know someone new over drinks every night. Part of why the last relationship I had didn’t work is because I wasn’t comfortable with myself, in my own skin because I am a tub of lard. Until I can love myself there is no way I can love anyone else or get close with anyone else. That last relationship all that ever went through my mind on dates was, “Is he going to want to be intimate tonight or ask me to spend the night? I’m not a prude by any means but I have’t had sex or even really done any heavy petting in a few years and it’s something that really worries me when dating. If I am more comfortable with my body & not thinking about who I’m crushing with my weight it might be easier for me to date. I don’t know, I just know the last time I had a good relationship it was with someone I already knew and there wasn’t any awkwardness, that’s what I want from dating, to just feel comfortable.