Sunday work

Well it’s a Sunday and I am at work for the season finale of a huge show we do.  It’s turning into bigger mess then the finale we shot in Singapore where customs seized our footage for 4 days.  Because this is a very high profile competition show we shoot the finale 2 weeks before it will air on television which means we have to double our staff & our time to get it done & there is usually no room for error.  Every error possible has occurred so I got called in to help today.  I wanted to work for the extra cash but now I am just sitting here because the footage is still not ready to be worked with & only one person can prep it right now. The company treats us well & bought us all donuts & breakfast burritos when we came in & then ordered pizza at lunch. This is what they do, they pay us in extra food to make up for the inconvenience.  I used to love this, I love free shit, especially free food but now that I am restricting & trying to eat healthy it really sucks.  I could just not eat or go get something better but the point of the food is so that we don’t have to leave to get food.  I can make all the excuses I want but it won’t be justified.  Today is shot. I still have half the burrito left which is better then eating the whole thing I guess. 

Anyway I was talking to my mom about my weight loss & she can’t figure out how I am not losing more poundage. She says if she was eating as little as me she would be losing a lot of pounds and the same used to be true for me, so i don’t know what is wrong and I think she is right. I am doing something wrong or all my fat is turning to muscle (which I don’t really want). I do hoop dancing 2 times a week which burns anywhere for 400-600 calories per class & I’ve started going to the gym again.  I honestly having been cheating that much either because when I put it in myfitnesspal (smashvip) it still ends up being 1200 cals or less, most of the time or if it’s not I have worked out that day.  I just wish I could see the scale go down more, even if I am 5’9 weighing 172 is still not right, I am still considered overweight for my height & even if it was pure muscle it still shouldn’t weigh that much.  I guess I just need to be more diligent or something.  We have our fire training for hooping tomorrow night & then light up is in 2 weeks, I am so excited & excited to start the intermediate class in march. I did a bunch of ab work after class yesterday so I am hurting a lot today but I love that pain, so it’s good. 

On another note: I am going to try and make an appointment with a therapist to try and get on adderall for adhd. I think I have it, I have always thought I had it but my mom always refused to let them put me on something because it was the big trend when I was kid & everyone had adhd.  My mom always just said I am smart.   I’ve taken addy’s before & they don’t hop me up that much.  I mean they do a little but I think more then anything it makes me normal.  I focus really well when I am on it and I can get so much done, I am very driven & I have no problem cleaning or organizing like I normally do. Cocaine affects me the same way, most people it makes them scatter brained but it just makes me really focus & dedicated to whatever I am doing. I told my mom I was going to talk to someone & she flipped out. I told her I am almost 30 & I can do this if I want to & I won’t be abusing it.  I just want to react to things normally & not like a crazy person most of the time because I am too overwhelmed.  We will see, knowing my luck they won’t give it to me but who knows.


About smashvip

A fat girl who was skinny once, just trying to find her way back to skinny & happy. You gotta look good to survive LA LA land.
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2 Responses to Sunday work

  1. Undead Ahead says:

    1) Free food is awesome but I refuse it form work now. I either look at it disgustingly thinking of all the dirty people I work with eating it or I get something else.
    2) FIRE HOOPING!! You serious!? You’re already up to that stage. Damn I’m impressed. Good job.
    3) Will this medication help you focus more on losing weight? I’ve done drugs before and have noticed it doesn’t effect me the same as people. I’m the same as you. I get focused with shit. I’ve seen people lose their mind and I just concentrate on one thing and do it right. Those days are gone for me but fuck there are some times I would love some speed. Doesn’t make you feel sick. Gets you active. All I wanted to do while on it was go for a walk. And best part is that you don’t get hungry. That phase for me didn’t last long cause I wasn’t addictive but fuck I enjoyed it when I had it. lol.

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