Well it’s a Sunday and I am at work for the season finale of a huge show we do. It’s turning into bigger mess then the finale we shot in Singapore where customs seized our footage for 4 days. Because this is a very high profile competition show we shoot the finale 2 weeks before it will air on television which means we have to double our staff & our time to get it done & there is usually no room for error. Every error possible has occurred so I got called in to help today. I wanted to work for the extra cash but now I am just sitting here because the footage is still not ready to be worked with & only one person can prep it right now. The company treats us well & bought us all donuts & breakfast burritos when we came in & then ordered pizza at lunch. This is what they do, they pay us in extra food to make up for the inconvenience. I used to love this, I love free shit, especially free food but now that I am restricting & trying to eat healthy it really sucks. I could just not eat or go get something better but the point of the food is so that we don’t have to leave to get food. I can make all the excuses I want but it won’t be justified. Today is shot. I still have half the burrito left which is better then eating the whole thing I guess.
Anyway I was talking to my mom about my weight loss & she can’t figure out how I am not losing more poundage. She says if she was eating as little as me she would be losing a lot of pounds and the same used to be true for me, so i don’t know what is wrong and I think she is right. I am doing something wrong or all my fat is turning to muscle (which I don’t really want). I do hoop dancing 2 times a week which burns anywhere for 400-600 calories per class & I’ve started going to the gym again. I honestly having been cheating that much either because when I put it in myfitnesspal (smashvip) it still ends up being 1200 cals or less, most of the time or if it’s not I have worked out that day. I just wish I could see the scale go down more, even if I am 5’9 weighing 172 is still not right, I am still considered overweight for my height & even if it was pure muscle it still shouldn’t weigh that much. I guess I just need to be more diligent or something. We have our fire training for hooping tomorrow night & then light up is in 2 weeks, I am so excited & excited to start the intermediate class in march. I did a bunch of ab work after class yesterday so I am hurting a lot today but I love that pain, so it’s good.
On another note: I am going to try and make an appointment with a therapist to try and get on adderall for adhd. I think I have it, I have always thought I had it but my mom always refused to let them put me on something because it was the big trend when I was kid & everyone had adhd. My mom always just said I am smart. I’ve taken addy’s before & they don’t hop me up that much. I mean they do a little but I think more then anything it makes me normal. I focus really well when I am on it and I can get so much done, I am very driven & I have no problem cleaning or organizing like I normally do. Cocaine affects me the same way, most people it makes them scatter brained but it just makes me really focus & dedicated to whatever I am doing. I told my mom I was going to talk to someone & she flipped out. I told her I am almost 30 & I can do this if I want to & I won’t be abusing it. I just want to react to things normally & not like a crazy person most of the time because I am too overwhelmed. We will see, knowing my luck they won’t give it to me but who knows.