So I started this anon blog so I could have a place to actively support myself in my aspirations to be thin again but I also started because I needed a place to get some things out of my head. I don’t have very many people left in my life that I can confide in and the ones I did have betrayed me. There are so many things about me that no one knows and will probably never know because I am too afraid to share them.
Although I do enjoy having followers and people hopefully listening and maybe learning from what I write but it isn’t the end of the world if I don’t. I will probably lose some followers after I talk about certain things but hopefully no one will judge me too harshly. I hate being told who I am by other people so I have never been a big fan of therapists or psychologists, especially considering one tried to put me on Lithium a month after my dad died saying I was Bi-polar after only meeting me once. I don’t trust doctors & I don’t trust most people. I only trust myself and that’s it. I was going to write something really personal but I don’t think I can yet so I am just going to truncate it down to the simplest form right now and then I will breakdown those things further at some point.
I am me, get used to it. I am a recovered cutter who had suicidal tendencies, I am a recovering drug addict, I refuse to believe I am Bi-Polar but I will agree to formerly depressed & cope with severe anxiety daily. I was pregnant once, I was in love once, I was the other woman once. I have had plastic surgery but no one knows. I have little conflicting voices in my head, but they aren’t personalities just opposing viewpoints in my brain, One says eat the other says starve. I am a nerd, like really nerdy. I cry daily for no reason what so ever. I smoke pot, a lot of pot for self medication. People hate me because I am a bitch, I hate me because I am a bitch but this is usually only at work. I care too much and then I don’t care enough. I am lazy & slobbish but I can’t bring myself to change that. My mom was an ana, my dad is dead and so are lots of my friends. I am 29.