Lets get Real

So I started this anon blog so I could have a place to actively support myself in my aspirations to be thin again but I also started because I needed a place to get some things out of my head.  I don’t have very many people left in my life that I can confide in and the ones I did have betrayed me.  There are so many things about me that no one knows and will probably never know because I am too afraid to share them.

Although I do enjoy having followers and people hopefully listening and maybe learning from what I write but it isn’t the end of the world if I don’t.  I will probably lose some followers after I talk about certain things but hopefully no one will judge me too harshly. I hate being told who I am by other people so I have never been a big fan of therapists or psychologists, especially considering one tried to put me on Lithium a month after my dad died saying I was Bi-polar after only meeting me once.  I don’t trust doctors & I don’t trust most people.  I only trust myself and that’s it.  I was going to write something really personal but I don’t think I can yet so I am just going to truncate it down to the simplest form right now and then I will breakdown those things further at some point.

I am me, get used to it.  I am a recovered cutter who had suicidal tendencies, I am a recovering drug addict, I refuse to believe I am Bi-Polar but I will agree to formerly depressed & cope with severe anxiety daily.  I was pregnant once, I was in love once, I was the other woman once.  I have had plastic surgery but no one knows.  I have little conflicting voices in my head, but they aren’t personalities just opposing viewpoints in my brain, One says eat the other says starve. I am a nerd, like really nerdy. I cry daily for no reason what so ever.  I smoke pot, a lot of pot for self medication.  People hate me because I am a bitch, I hate me because I am a bitch but this is usually only at work.  I care too much and then I don’t care enough.  I am lazy & slobbish but I can’t bring myself to change that.  My mom was an ana, my dad is dead and so are lots of my friends. I am 29.

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About smashvip

A fat girl who was skinny once, just trying to find her way back to skinny & happy. You gotta look good to survive LA LA land.
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One Response to Lets get Real

  1. ephemeralana says:

    well you don’t seem that bitchy to me. its good to have a place like this to just blog your thoughts and feelings. it is pretty anonymous as long as you don’t use your real name or other things that might identify you. I’ve been misdiagnosed bipolar before too. I’m pretty sure I’m not. Just depressed and some other shit that yeah I feel embarrassed about.

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