So there is one thing that I have mentioned briefly but not really explained. I mentioned that I was “sick” on Friday and Saturday from my binging on Thursday. Most people will just assume this means I at too much and I was fat and bloated yatta yatta yatta. Well that is partially true but typically whenever I mention being “sick” it isn’t any kind of sick anyone else knows.
I have an ongoing (almost 9 years now) illness that is undiagnosed. I have been to numerous doctors, specialists and have had countless tests done to try and determine what is causing the problem but with no results. By most medical standards I am perfectly healthy. My mom thinks this is good but I hate it, just tell me I have a tumor or cancer already, the unknown is killing me, literally.
So here is the lowdown, I believe it is food related, we used to think it was a food dye (red dye 40) so I never at anything with this food coloring in it and I was a little better. Then we had some allergy testing done and it came back negative for red dye 40. Well this left us baffled because now I have no idea what is causing the problem again. For the last couple of months I binged on things I hadn’t eaten for years because of the red dye 40, and that is how I got to be as fat as I am now but I have also been in pain almost every single day.
I used to describe it as a stomach pain because it was partially in my stomach region but now I am referring to it as more of back pain. Essentially the whole left side, front & back of my torso is put into pain. When I say pain I don’t mean just like period cramps pain, I mean pain so excruciatingly painful you think you are dying. Some times all I can do is curl up in a ball and cry. It’s not uncommon for the pain to be so bad that I pass out from it and it can last for 5-6 hours or maybe just a few minutes. When I have attacks I break out into hot flashes, dizziness and panic attacks sometimes out of fear. I tried to go to the emergency room for it once but by the time I got in to see the Dr. the pain had passed and since I didn’t have insurance she wouldn’t perform any tests, just gave me vicodin. I’ve tried tons of drugs, legal & not legal to help with the pain, but the only thing that helps are pain killers and really they are only masking the pain so I can function. Most people in my life don’t know about this problem or if they do, they don’t realize the severity, only the people who experienced it first hand with me realize how bad it really is. I’m glad I have the support of those people because they believe me when the doctors don’t & try to say it’s all in my head. I would never want to feel this bad intentionally, it has ruined so many great things for me at different times in my life & I would truly never have wanted that.
This got long but basically the first 4 days I was on the ABC diet, I had no pain, the last time the pain got too bad, I stopped eating out of fear and I lost 20lbs in one month but I didn’t have the pain because I wasn’t consuming whatever the trigger for the pain is. Less then 24 hours after eating pizza on Thursday I was curled up in severe pain and had to be on painkillers 24/7 the rest of the weekend. It was one of the longest bouts of pain I have ever had & the painkillers really weren’t helping. I got back on the right track the last couple of days but now I find myself hunched over at work in pain because something I had yesterday was bad. So what was it? Was it the alcohol? Was it the new healthy choice soup I tried? I don’t know but I hope over the next couple of days it gets better and goes away again. I have to try and stop this because deep down I truly feel like whatever it is, is slowly killing me and no one seems to care. Y_Y