So I had a revelation last night while perusing a thin forum, well it was a ED forum. I’ve never really considered myself to have an ED but I know I have always had ED tendencies & when using will power didn’t work I used drugs to lose weight. I have always had an overeating problem or a strong desire to never stop eating and I have used Ana tendencies to keep it at bay over the years but it has slowly caught up to me and now I just continue to gain.
Anyway back to my point. I was checking out this website and you had to associate yourself with one of the many categories:
Ana – anorexia
Mia – Belimia
EDNOS – eating disorder not otherwise something..
BED & SH
Now I didn’t know what BED & SH were initially, so I looked them up. Binge Eating Disorder & Self Harm. I used to self harm when I was a teen & then the need for it just stopped when I went away to college and luckily never returned. But the BED is what surprised me, I have always thought I had an overeating problem but I had never heard of it actually being classified as an ED. When I read the description of people who have BED disorder I realized that’s me. I eat way more then someone like me should eat, I eat like a football player, 2 breakfasts sometimes or multiple fast food dinners in one sitting, nacho cheese chalupas with chicken tenders etc. I eat until I can barely breath and I’m so uncomfortable I can’t do anything.
The difference between BED & Mia is that you can’t or don’t purge after binging. I have never really been able to willingly make myself puke, unless I have drank too much, so I was never a purger but I have even eaten so much that my body rejects it and I start throwing everything up. Most of the time when this happens none of it is digested so it comes back up almost whole. Sorry got a little TMI.
Well so I am self diagnosing now & since I feel I fall into multiple categories I guess I would just be an EDNOS but I am definitely BED with Ana tendencies to try and cope with the BED. Once I start eating it takes so much for me to stop myself so it is just better if I don’t eat at all or I try and keep things very structured. I am at my highest weight ever, which is 190 (I think, I haven’t actually weighed myself but I was 185 at the docs in Sept & I have gained since then) but when I was super Ana and in control with the help of drugs I was as low as 130. I can’t use drugs anymore since I am a recovering addict, so my only other alternative to the BED is letting Ana take control and help me keep my eating in check. Thankfully I am able to take it to a happy place instead of a dark place like many of the girls I am interacting with on Twitter.