Revelations You can’t classify me.

So I had a revelation last night while perusing a thin forum, well it was a ED forum.  I’ve never really considered myself to have an ED but I know I have always had ED tendencies & when using will power didn’t work I used drugs to lose weight. I have always had an overeating problem or a strong desire to never stop eating and I have used Ana tendencies to keep it at bay over the years but it has slowly caught up to me and now I just continue to gain.

Anyway back to my point. I was checking out this website and you had to associate yourself with one of the many categories:

Ana – anorexia

Mia – Belimia

EDNOS – eating disorder not otherwise something..

BED & SH

Now I didn’t know what BED & SH were initially, so I looked them up.  Binge Eating Disorder & Self Harm.  I used to self harm when I was a teen & then the need for it just stopped when I went away to college and luckily never returned.  But the BED is what surprised me, I have always thought I had an overeating problem but I had never heard of it actually being classified as an ED.  When I read the description of people who have BED disorder I realized that’s me.  I eat way more then someone like me should eat, I eat like a football player, 2 breakfasts sometimes or multiple fast food dinners in one sitting, nacho cheese chalupas with chicken tenders etc. I eat until I can barely breath and I’m so uncomfortable I can’t do anything.

Image

The difference between BED & Mia is that you can’t or don’t purge after binging.  I have never really been able to willingly make myself puke, unless I have drank too much, so I was never a purger but I have even eaten so much that my body rejects it and I start throwing everything up. Most of the time when this happens none of it is digested so it comes back up almost whole.  Sorry got a little TMI.

Well so I am self diagnosing now & since I feel I fall into multiple categories I guess I would just be an EDNOS but I am definitely BED with Ana tendencies to try and cope with the BED.  Once I start eating it takes so much for me to stop myself so it is just better if I don’t eat at all or I try and keep things very structured.  I am at my highest weight ever, which is 190 (I think, I haven’t actually weighed myself but I was 185 at the docs in Sept & I have gained since then) but when I was super Ana and in control with the help of drugs I was as low as 130.  I can’t use drugs anymore since I am a recovering addict, so my only other alternative to the BED is letting Ana take control and help me keep my eating in check.  Thankfully I am able to take it to a happy place instead of a dark place like many of the girls I am interacting with on Twitter.

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About smashvip

A fat girl who was skinny once, just trying to find her way back to skinny & happy. You gotta look good to survive LA LA land.
This entry was posted in Thinspiration and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Revelations You can’t classify me.

  1. ephemeralana says:

    its interesting to find that stuff out.

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