Ok so I am pretty proud of myself for making it to the gym last night and I think I might go again tonight! This probably seems really silly to some people but the gym is one of the most high anxiety feared places for me, it always has been for as long as I can remember, even when I was skinny.
I don’t really know why but my mind just starts racing, when I got there last night I just had to keep telling my self it was ok and that I wanted to be there and nothing could stop me. I was going early in the morning when no one was really there before but I had never gone to this gym at night. I went around 9:30pm in the hopes that it wouldn’t be too crowded and it wasn’t. Mostly just juicehead guys lifting weights but that is one the things that makes me nervous. I picked this gym because it had no windows so people couldn’t watch your fatass runnning as they passed by but it’s still the people in the gym that bother me. Guys intimidate me and make me feel like they are always leering at me and all the girls are so much hotter then me, even when they are sweaty and gross. I also have a hard time with the fact that to get to the gym I have to walk through a really trendy area all scrubbed out for the gym, that’s another downside of night but if I can’t get up in the morning this my only alternative.
ONce I’m inside though and on a machine I’m perfect. I hate running outside or on treadmill (it’s too hard on my damaged knees) but I love ellipticals and the stair machine is my new friend too. Once I get on a machine I just go, I put on some good music and read a book on my phone. I could probably go a lot longer then I do except that my neck & shoulders start to hurt because of the reading I think. Anyway I haven’t been to the gym in so long so it will take more time to go longer and harder but the first step is getting there. I did 35 minutes on a weird elliptical & then 15 minutes on the stairmaster. I think I could have gone longer but my phone died and without some form of entertainment I can’t zone out enough.