You don’t see me naked!

So here’s the deal I have always been told I look fine and not fat, because my height hides it well, but those people aren’t seeing me naked.

 I am 5’9″ so the ideal weight for me is 140lbs ( my goal), I am about 190, the most I have ever weighed.  I think the reason it got so bad and out of control is because of my height but it is starting to show more and more and I can’t even hide it from myself anymore.  People are always like you look good, you look fine, I don’t think your fat, you have such long legs, you’re just tall and this is true.  My weight is proportioned pretty well compared to a person who is 5’4″.  But my hips and thighs are so big now they aren’t fitting my pants anymore and forget shorts.  My gut has always been the main problem, I have never had a nice flat tummy even when I was 135, it was still lumpy and rolly but now that I am in XL shirts and they look tight it is too much.  

I love that I have bigger boobs now because of my fat but it doesn’t make a difference when your belly is almost bigger then your boobs. I think I’d rather be flat chested again, then fat and rolly.  “Would you rather have Big Boobs and Big Belly or a Flat Chest and Tight Tummy??

My mother has been the only person who tells me like it is, sometimes out of hate but mostly out of love because she was skinny once too and now very overweight.  She knows how it feels to be lied to by your friends when all you really need is a reality check from someone who says, “look you’re getting fat!”  My mom and I have always dieted together.  I have been on some sort of diet or fad, since I was 12 because of camaraderie for my mother and because none of my friends growing up ever needed to diet or work out. My best friends are naturally skinny bitches and eat like monsters and don’t gain a pound, so I never had friends who wanted to go to the gym together or do a cleanse together.  Now that I live in California I don’t have anyone to diet with or work out with again, so it is all up to me to try and stay focused for the future. FOCUS ON THE FUTURE



About smashvip

A fat girl who was skinny once, just trying to find her way back to skinny & happy. You gotta look good to survive LA LA land.
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